


LØRDAG 10:38

by wyoheartsmusic



Series: Butterfly Effect [5]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Even probably too, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Isak is sad and confused and scared, It's going to be okay, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Tears, after the hotel scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-01 20:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15150959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyoheartsmusic/pseuds/wyoheartsmusic
Summary: Isak tries to understand what's going on after Even leaves their hotel suite butt-nakedOr: It's Saturday, 03.12.16, 10:38 and some things are the same while others are a little different.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, I should be writing a million other things instead of relapsing into writing for Butterfly Effect but it's just so easy? Also, I finally saw Love, Simon yesterday and while I felt very emotional, this happened. Initially, I only wanted this to be a one shot but then I was thinking and well, here we are...
> 
> This kinda turned into more of a "let's fill the gaps between clips" than actual Butterfly Effect but later on, there are some changes that may or may not lead to some interesting developments so I hope you like it! I've currently written three chapters so you might get daily updates for this :)

Eskild didn’t close the door all the way. Isak wasn’t sure why of everything this was the one thing he focused on. Maybe because it was easiest. Because if he focused on that, he didn’t have to focus on the gaping hole in his chest or the why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why in his head.

The internet wasn’t helping. He’d been going through Wikipedia page after Wikipedia page on mania, depression. Bipolar disorder.

His mother.

Even.

_Why?_

So focusing on the way Eskild hadn’t closed that door was safe. His soft words of “you can talk to me, let me know if you need anything” momentarily, if just barely, muted the questions coursing in his head. It also meant that he could keep his tears at bay. He didn’t want to cry anymore; had done enough of that all night when he had managed a long time ago to bottle up his feelings usually. Isak wasn’t a crier.

And still.

His phone was pinging several times in quick succession so Isak forced his gaze away from the door and picked it up.

Even.

_Where is he, the man who was just like me?_

Isak didn’t know. Isak didn’t know fucking shit. His heart was pounding painfully in his chest. _Life is good_. He knew they were lyrics but life wasn’t good at all. He wanted to tell Even that. _You slept with me and it made you run butt-naked out of the hotel suite you bought for us,_ is what he wanted to yell at Even, _nothing’s_ fucking good. Everything’s fucked.

Isak wasn’t good for Even.

That was what Sonja had said and clearly she was right because Sonja must know, right? They had been dating since they had been fifteen and she had known what to do right away, had probably gone to the police station to pick up Even ( _don’t think about it, Isak, it’ll rip you apart imagining him vulnerable and confused. Alone._ ) while Isak couldn’t do anything else but go back to the Radisson Blu to collect their things, facing hotel staff that had wanted explanations for things Isak himself didn’t understand.

Isak’s gaze darted to the heap of bunched up clothes at the foot of his bed, somehow portraying all the misery of the situation. The clothes the last shred of what he had left of Even. If he had had him in the first place.

_Hei Even. I don’t understand shit right now. Stop texting me._

Sent.

_Can you please just stay away?_ Maybe that was for the best. It was what Isak was good at anyway, wasn’t it? He had done it with his mother. Now Even.

Life was fucking brilliant.

His phone pinged a second later and Isak half-expected it to be a reply from Even. What that could be, he wasn’t sure but when he realised it wasn’t a message from Even, it felt like the drop in a rollercoaster — knowing it would come but unexpected nevertheless.

Maybe he wasn’t as good at staying away as he thought he was.

And maybe he cared more about his mother than he let on because after having waited a day for her reply to his coming out, a tirade of angry bible verses most likely, what he actually got was putting a smile on his face for the first time since Even had told him he wouldn’t be sleeping when Isak looked so fucking hot lying there. Before everything had gone to shit. It was scary how fast Isak’s feelings had gone from blissed out to terrified.

_To Isak my son: from the first second I saw you on 21 June 1999 at 21:21 I have loved you and I always will for all eternity_

It was as if he could breathe for the first time in a really long time.

He held his phone to his chest, a smile on his lips while tears streamed down his face simultaneously. Freely. Freeing. 

Breathing.

Isak didn’t know shit. He didn’t know what he was supposed to reply to his mum (and maybe they could never have a proper relationship) but her acceptance of him meant more than anything. He didn’t know if what he and Even had had had been real (Sonja seemed to know and the answer to that question seemed to be no, it hadn’t been real) but that didn’t mean it meant nothing to Isak because Even had turned him into a better version of himself.

Isak didn’t know shit but what he knew was this:

He was going to _try_.

Isak crawled out of his bed, his socked feet padding across the floor, pushing the door open wider. Down the hallway. 

The kollektiv was eerily quiet, which wasn’t unusual for a Saturday morning when the flat was usually riddled with several hangovers but Isak had a feeling it was for his sake this time.

The common room was empty, he spotted three cups of coffee on the table (Eskild’s most likely empty because he needed to get his energy from somewhere in the mornings, Linn’s sticky on the outside because she didn’t like coffee but she liked warming her hands on the cup so Noora would always offer her some from her cup, and Noora’s cup half-finished because she tended to forget she had a cup to begin with and cold coffee sucked).

The door to Linn’s room wasn’t completely closed. It was dark inside but there was quiet voices audible. Noora and Linn. And Eskild’s door was open as well, even though it usually never was.

Isak’s cheeks were still wet with tears but new ones threatened to spill over. His flatmates loved him. He didn’t know why he hadn’t realised that before. Of course he had figured as much about Eskild, considering everything he had done for Isak but Noora and Linn? Isak didn’t think he had ever had a proper conversation with the latter, always just sitting in silence on the rare occasion that Linn — or Isak — came out of her room to watch TV with him or them, when Isak made room for her on the sofa and sometimes offered her some of his blanket. And Noora, they talked because she was friends with Sana and Eva, but he had stolen her room from her and made her sleep on a mattress in the hallway. But they loved him anyway, it was clear now in the way they kept their doors open for him.

And Isak loved them.

He stood at Eskild’s door, unsure if he should knock or just go in, torn if he should go in in the first place but then there was Eskild’s soft voice and Isak didn’t have much of a choice anymore, did he? “You can come in.”

“I’m uh—,” Isak cleared his throat, his voice was rough from disuse. “I’m sorry. You’re probably busy…” He didn’t know what he was doing, was about to just turn back around.

“Come here,” Eskild patted the empty spot next to him on the bed.

It was scary how easily Isak was jerked into motion, almost falling over his feet in his haste to get into Eskild’s bed. Eskild’s arms. He literally head-butted into Eskild’s chest, arms circling around his middle as he planted himself in his lap.

And then Isak was fucking crying again.

If Eskild was surprised by any of this, he didn’t show it. (And maybe it wasn’t surprising at all after everything that had happened after Isak had desperately texted him last night.) They fell back on the bed and Eskild curled himself around Isak, holding him as tightly as possible. Almost crushing his ribs, definitely squeezing too much for Isak to breathe properly — but that could have also been the tears.

Isak was making a mess of Eskild’s shirt, sobbing into it, getting snot everywhere but fuck it. He was breathing and Eskild was there. He wasn’t alone.

He wanted to tell Eskild how much it meant that he was there for him. That he had saved him — more than once — but words weren’t possible, or necessary, right now so Isak just cried and let Eskild’s arms around him and the kisses he peppered on Isak’s hair and the soft nothing’s he whispered soothe him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm back, like promised. It's clear now that you'll definitely get daily updates, I'm writing on chapter 7 right now so I've plenty of time to finish this :))
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Mandag 15:30**

**05.12.16**

Isak had been drifting in and out of sleep all weekend. It was easier than being awake and worrying and while his brain tried to force him to stay awake, Eskild’s care made it possible for him to escape his thoughts in intervals.

Isak also hadn’t left Eskild’s room. Which was weird. There’d been exactly two, now three, times when Isak had been in Eskild’s room: the very first time they had met when Isak had been blackout drunk — he didn’t remember much of that —, then Friday night after everything and now.

Despite having been robbed of his sanctuary, Eskild didn’t complain. He simply made sure Isak ate and he cuddled him as much as possible. Isak didn’t complain either which made Eskild joke that he had to get all the hugs he could get from Isak before he turned grumpy again. Isak had squished his nose against Eskild’s neck, tightened his arms around him and croaked, “I love you.” And then he had cried again.

When the doorbell rang, Isak froze and then his heart started thumping wildly in his chest.

_Even._

But it wasn’t possible because Even didn’t care about him like that. He wouldn’t just show up here unless he was still manic and Isak had no idea how to deal with that.

There was a gloomy feeling in the flat thanks to Isak, but nevertheless, Eskild’s voice rang through to Isak as exuberantly as ever when he greeted their guest. Isak couldn’t make out the rest of the conversation except for his name being thrown in there once or twice.

And then Eskild peeked into his own room like he was intruding and said softly, “It’s for you.”

Isak squeezed his eyes shut. Even Even Even Even Even. He wasn’t sure if he was scared of it being Even or if he desperately hoped it was him. “Even?” He whispered, and it was more hopeful than anything else.

The shake of Eskild’s head crushed him. “Sana.”

Isak sat up in bed, eyes wide in surprise. Helplessly, he patted at his greasy hair. He suddenly felt self-conscious about not having showered since Friday. Eskild hadn’t even mentioned how he was a disgusting, stinky teenage boy.

He figured at least he looked bad enough to not have to pretend too much that he was sick.

“Hei bio bud,” Sana greeted him quietly, stepping into the room hesitantly.

“Hi,” Isak’s gaze darted back to the duvet quickly.

The silence stretched on just long enough for Isak to feel his chest constrict painfully. “You weren’t in school today,” Sana pointed out carefully.

That got a roll of his eyes out of Isak. “I know. I texted you this morning.”

Sana nodded, seeming very unlike herself with how unsure she was. “Yeah, I know,” She mumbled.

Isak didn’t have the patience to tiptoe around whatever it was Sana had come here for. “So you came here to tell me that? Or…”

“You didn’t answer my question of how you were doing. Also, I brought you homework,” She blurted and then more quietly asked, “Do you wanna study together?”

Isak didn’t want to study together. He wasn’t even sure he was capable of focusing on anything right now. He shook his head curtly.

Sana raised her eyebrows and it was fascinating how quickly her expression morphed into one of determination. “Isak,” She huffed sternly, “It’s no fun to beat you and get better grades than you if you’re not even putting any effort in. So get the fuck out of bed, take a shower and then study with me!”

There was something about her voice that made him actually get up.

Sana smiled triumphantly. “Great. I’ll wait here for you.”

“Oh, uh— this isn’t actually my room so…”

Her gaze flickered to the rainbow flag hanging on Eskild’s wall and back to Isak, unwavering. Isak squirmed under the intensity. “I figured as much,” She noted drily, “The common room then?”

“Okay,” Isak mumbled before trudging to the bathroom.

It was a while that he spent in there, simply standing under the stream and staring into nothingness. His body was heaving with sobs but he didn’t cry. Maybe his body was finally so exhausted that it couldn’t produce tears anymore.

When Isak was done, he went to his room, his eyes immediately catching on Even’s clothes still bunched up on his bed. He grabbed Even’s soft woollen sweater and tugged it over his head. Because he was a pathetic loser with a broken heart. For a moment, he just stood there, Even’s smell clouding his senses and he remembered the good things that had happened on Friday. The _isn’t he beautiful? My beautiful_ and how Isak hadn’t been afraid.

He could almost pretend it was real.

Isak jerked himself out of it, finding sweatpants somewhere between the clothes strewn about his room and padded to the common room on bare feet where he found his flatmates and Sana sitting on the sofa.

Isak couldn’t meet Eskild’s gaze who looked so proud of Isak for simply getting out of bed. “We can work at the kitchen table?” He directed at Sana instead.

So they migrated there and set up their things, Sana explaining what they had gone through that day and Isak barely listened.

They’d been working for about fifteen minutes when Isak blurted, “Even and I fucked and then he went crazy.” He knew she had seen that message Vilde had sent him last week about the rumour of him being gay going around and that she had simply been too tactful to mention it. So whatever. Everything was going to shit anyway.

For a second, it seemed like Sana was choking on nothing but air. Then she caught herself again, growling, “Don’t say that. Don’t use that word.”

“What, _fuck_? I mean that’s what we did because it meant nothing to Even,” Isak mumbled and he wished he sounded more angry maybe, just not _this_. 

Hollow.

Sana glared at him, putting her pen down. She meant business. “ _Crazy_ , Isak. It’s offensive. Even’s mentally ill, not crazy. I—“

Isak’s chair screeched over the floor as he stood up hastily, brushing his fingers through his damp curls frantically. “So you knew?” He exclaimed, a slight tremor in his voice, “Everyone _knew_? Except me? You don’t even _know_ Even and he— I— we— why didn’t he tell me? _Fuck!_ I am literally turning everyone around me crazy! First my mother, now Even. What the fuck!”

Sana stood as well now, leaning over the table between them and glowering at him. “Don’t you fucking make this about yourself, Isak. I don’t know about your mother but I’ve known Even for a while now and yes, he’s bipolar but that’s not all he is and you certainly didn’t make him it. So grow the fuck up and be there for him if you actually care about him.”

They glared at each other for several moments before Isak deflated and slumped down in his seat again, panting heavily. “I don’t know what to do,” Isak whispered, hiding his face in his hands.

“If it helps anything… Even _adores_ you. The way he looks at you is just pure and genuine joy and adoration. So why don’t you focus on that while you get your shit together?” Sana said, much more softly now.

Isak wasn’t sure it helped, didn’t think he believed it one-hundred percent but he managed to focus on their work again and that seemed like a good place to start to get his shit together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sad <3 It will... get better? At the latest in chapter 8? slhdfdh love you, don't hate me <3 (you can yell at me in the comments, I can take it)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand here's chapter 3 :)) (it gets better, I promise)
> 
> I'm going camping overnight but I'll be back tomorrow, so daily updates are still happening <3

**Onsdag 17:01**

**07.12.16**

Step two of getting his shit together was going back to school. Isak still didn’t quite understand what was going on but Magnus of all people had made him understand a little better. His mother was bipolar and Isak had met her a couple of times and she had seemed fine. As had Even… before everything.

Magnus had said it had probably been a lot for Even, with changing schools and starting a new relationship with Isak.

He should just call Even.

But it wasn’t that easy, was it? What was he supposed to say? Did Even even want to talk to him?

Isak had been pacing his room for an hour, his phone in hand with Even’s contact open.

_Even Kosegruppa_

It was absurd to read Even’s name coupled with Kosegruppa. As if Isak could forget who Even was. He remembered how giddy he had felt when Even had asked for his phone so he could put his number in, “for love spreading purposes.” Back then, he hadn’t allowed himself to actually acknowledge what this feeling meant.

Now, as he was looking at the number, he wondered if he’d ever be able to press that button, be as fearless as he had been the night of the Halloween party when he had followed Even to that pool — would have followed him to the end of the world really — and had kissed him.

Isak didn’t know what Even was feeling right now. _Only you can feel what you feel._ Maybe he hated Isak for letting him walk out of the safety of their hotel naked, maybe he never wanted to talk to Isak again. Maybe maybe maybe…

Isak couldn’t breathe. _I’m gonna make a movie about you. I’ll call it The Boy Who Couldn’t Breathe Underwater._ His heart was in his throat, stomach in knots.

_Even Kosegruppa_

Isak tapped the screen so the contact name lit back up. And then he hit the call button, missing the first time because his hands were shaking so much. The second time worked.

There was the beeping sound as he waited for Even to pick up. Every new beep punctured him painfully.

He couldn’t do it he couldn’t do it he couldn’t—

The beeping stopped.

“Even?” Isak whispered, voice breaking. “I—it’s me, Isak. I hope— I mean, I just—“

He was interrupted by a quiet (female) voice, “Isak, it’s Sonja.”

Isak squeezed his eyes shut, saw universes dancing behind his eyelids. “Oh.”

The silence was suffocating, reminding Isak of everything Sonja had said to him. _He’s safe at least_ and what it had implied: _you had nothing to do with keeping him safe._

_He’s not in love with you, it’s just a sick idea he’s got in his head._

Isak wanted to end the call, this had been a bad idea from the start.

“Uh, hey, Isak?” Sonja stuttered, “I wanted to say I’m sorry for Friday. I didn’t mean to get mad at you and it’s not your fault that Even is depressed. He’s bipolar so…”

Isak breathed. The air just flooding out of him as if he had held his breath for years. “Okay, uh… how is he?” He whispered, feeling tears pricking his eyes.

Sonja hesitated before replying, “He’s sleeping a lot. I think he liked hearing your voice just now.”

But he hadn’t said anything. Isak didn’t say that out loud, it seemed stupid and needy. “Okay.”

“Even needs stability in his life, Isak.” Isak didn’t want to hear more of that. Those words slowly made him realise that Sonja was there for Even and he wasn’t. Sonja was the stability Even needed.

And Isak was willing to sacrifice his own heart for Even’s well-being. “I understand,” He mumbled, “I’ll— yeah, bye, Sonja. Thank you.”

“Isak, wait!” Sonja quickly exclaimed, “What I’m trying to say is… make sure _you’re_ doing okay before you make sure he’s doing okay. I made the mistake of not doing that, Even got so important to me that I forgot myself and it turned our relationship toxic and both of us bitter. Don’t make that mistake, Isak.”

Isak didn’t understand. “What do you mean?” He breathed.

“The good days are great, Even is amazing, so try to remember that when it’s not as good. Be strong for the both of you but if you can’t and need your space, that’s okay too. He will understand. You’re not his babysitter, you’re his partner. You’re equal. You’re allowed to feel bad, too, even when you’re feeling that way when he’s depressed. It’s okay, Isak. Just take it day by day and if that gets too much, take it one hour at a time. And if one hour gets too much, just take it one minute at a time.”

Isak was crying again but it didn’t hurt anymore. If anything, it felt liberating. “Thank you, Sonja,” He told her earnestly.

“Yeah… I think he’d be happy to see you actually,” Sonja said carefully.

“I don’t know,” He whispered, “I’m not sure I’m ready for it.”

She hummed in understanding. “That’s okay. Minute by minute,” She reminded him.

After they ended the call, Isak didn’t have more than a short moment to gather himself before his phone rang again. _Pappa_ flashing on the screen. He considered not picking up but did it anyway a moment later.

His father was going on about the Christmas concert on Friday and Isak robotically replied to him. Until— “It’s nice that you got a boyfriend.”

And how was Isak supposed to explain the whole mess that was his life right now? So he went with the easiest route, “That was just a joke.”

There was a beat of silence and then his father said, “Oh, okay. Well, I’m looking forward to seeing you on Friday. Mamma too.”

“It wasn’t a joke!” Isak blurted out because he was so fucking tired of lying all the time. “It’s just…” He considered it, considered telling his father everything but once again, he was scared. Speaking to the man who had abandoned his wife and kid because of her mental illness didn’t seem like the smartest thing to do. Isak wasn’t prepared to hear that he was just the same. “He’s just not coming on Friday.”

“Next time then,” His father said, “I’ll see you soon, Isak.”

“Yeah, bye.” He quickly ended the call so his father wouldn’t hear how upset he was. There might never be a _next time._

After much contemplation — and Magnus’ encouragement — Isak sent Even a message. That was, as soon as he got over staring at the harsh sounding text he had sent before that, when Even had sent him song lyrics.

Isak read over them again and as he tried to put himself in Even’s shoes, what had gone through his head when he had sent them, it slowly dawned on Isak.

_Someone to talk me off the bridge any day or night_

_She teach me how to live, she ain’t afraid of life_

_Your smile put me at ease_

_You’re the woman I need, but where is she?_

_Where is he, the man who was just like me?_

_I heard he was hidin' somewhere I can’t see_

_And I’m alone, and I realize that when I get home_

Even had begged him to be there for him. And Isak hadn’t done that for him, had brushed him off because he had been scared and confused. Isak hoped that the message he sent now told Even, _I’m right here. You’re not alone._

_I tried to call you. I hope you’re doing okay. Talk to me if you feel like it <3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from camping whoop - everything hurts but it was fun :D
> 
> I hope this chapter is... fun as well? :D 
> 
> <3

**Torsdag 21:21**

**08.12.16**

It was pathetic how desperately Isak hoped for a sign from Even. A simple heart emoji would do. _Any_ emoji really. He just wanted to know that Even was okay.

But it had been a day and there was absolutely nothing from Even.

Isak tried to be patient. He tried to distract himself but all he could think about was Even. And every time his phone pinged, Isak startled, hope blooming in his chest before he realised it was just one of the boys or the kollektiv group chat.

It was 21:21 and his phone pinged again. This time, Isak let the hope overwhelm him. It couldn’t be anyone else but Even. Not when 21:21 was the time that had led to their first kiss. It was just like Even to text him at that time and Isak couldn’t even be mad that he had made him wait a whole day for it.

Sending a message at exactly that time meant there was hope. That Isak hadn’t fucked everything up somehow.

Isak scrambled for his phone and froze. A message by _Vilde Lien Hellerud_ was the only notification that was there. He almost smashed his phone against the wall in frustration. Instead, he just dropped it on his mattress harshly, watching it bounce until it tumbled off the bed and landed on the rug with a soft thud. Whatever.

He fell back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling for a long time before curiosity got the better of him and he scrambled for his phone on the floor.

On second thought, maybe he shouldn’t have done that. Curiosity killed the cat.

_Hei Isak. I don’t wanna badmouth anyone but I thought I had to tell you since you have a thing with him and that you probably want to know this but I heard that Even has mental problems and that he’s a psychopath_

Isak’s blood was running cold. What the fuck?

What the actual fuck.

He couldn’t think straight. His first instinct was to get to Even as quickly as possible and shelter him from anything bad anyone had to say about him.

With panic curdling in his stomach, Isak left his room, phone tightly clasped in his fingers. In the common room, all his flatmates were watching TV and when Noora looked up and spotted him, she shot him a small smile and asked softly, “Would you like to join us?”

His thoughts were trying to drown him so Isak jerkily nodded, smiling at Linn when she scooted over on the sofa to make room for him. He mirrored her position with his knees drawn up to his chest and arms wrapped around them. Linn quietly offered him some of her blanket which he gratefully accepted. He felt cold all over and didn’t think a blanket could fix that.

“How are you doing?” Eskild asked quietly, eyes trained on Isak.

Isak just shook his head. He was still processing.

Eskild’s eyes shone with worry but he didn’t say anything more and Isak was thankful for it. Eskild’s eyes went back to the TV and Isak still tried to make sense of all of this. He wanted to punch the person who had started that rumour in the face. When would people start minding their own business and leave Isak and Even and everyone else in peace?

He didn’t even notice he was shaking with anger until a cold hand squeezed his arm. Isak looked over at Linn in surprise, who had changed her position to be able to touch Isak. She shot him a timid smile, her thumb brushing gently against Isak’s skin.

Isak focused on the movement, placing his own hand over Linn’s to show her that he was thankful for her. Neither Eskild nor Noora noticed the exchange.

He had calmed down a little when his phone pinged again and this time, he felt sick to the stomach. He didn’t want to see anyone else wanting to talk to him about any kind of rumours, he just wanted to be left alone.

_I’m sorry <3_

Isak’s heart stuttered to a halt. That was Even. Even had texted him. Isak instantly felt bad. Somehow, he had made Even think he had to apologise for anything. He didn’t. Not about this. Fuck, Isak wanted to hold him so bad.

Surprisingly, those two words cleared Isak’s mind. It felt like he knew exactly what to do. As calmly as possible, he composed a reply to Vilde’s earlier message, asking her how she knew. And then he focused on Even and what he was going to tell him.

_There’s nothing you have to apologise for. If anything, it’s me who has to say sorry. Sorry for telling you I didn’t want mentally ill people in my life. I want you in my life, Even. Sorry for not knowing what to do when you were manic and that I pushed you away because of that. Sorry I was scared. I was confused and didn’t know what to do. But I know now and I just want to be with you. We can work this out, minute by minute. I miss you and I hope you’re feeling better <3_

When his phone pinged again, it was Vilde one more time and Isak figured he wouldn’t get another reply from Even but that was okay, too. They were okay. They could figure this out somehow. Vilde, on the other hand, Isak had no idea how to deal with and he was tired of her bullshit, not caring much anymore about being polite. His point was still the same: she should stay the fuck out of other people’s business. Especially Even’s.

Isak wouldn’t let anyone hurt his boy anymore.

“You okay?” Linn asked quietly.

Isak heaved a sigh. “Just tired,” He muttered, forcing himself to relax.

“Me too,” Linn replied and it was such a Linn thing to say that it startled a laugh out of Isak.

Eskild and Noora’s heads whipped around to look at them in surprise and Isak felt his cheeks heating up. He hadn’t realised how long it had been since they had last heard him laugh that it got such a strong reaction out of them.

Isak moved around on the sofa until he was in a different position, one in which he could pull Linn close and wrap his arm around her. Neither of them said a word for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there <3  
> Let me know what you thought <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has some Kingsman spoilers in it lmao but I guess everyone has seen that movie by now?
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Fredag 20:19**

**09.12.16**

Isak’s nerves were all over the place. He hadn’t seen his parents since he had moved out of his childhood home and he had no idea how to speak to them, especially his mother. How to say that he was sorry for having abandoned her.

People brushed past him to escape the cold winter night while Isak stood in front of Sagene kirken, his breath fogging up as soon as it left his mouth but he was barely feeling the cold, too many thoughts whirling in his head.

Maybe it wasn’t time yet. Maybe it was okay that he couldn’t enter the church and face his parents again after such a long time. Day by day, minute by minute, right? That applied here as well.

“Fuck,” Isak muttered as he swiftly turned around, his back to the church.

But he was still rooted to the spot because suddenly, he was face to face with Even. 

Isak blinked rapidly, trying to figure out if he was seeing things but no, Even was still there, standing a couple metres away. He was bundled up in a hoodie and a parka with the hood up, a beanie underneath and even more layers hiding beneath. His eyes were wide and his cheeks and nose tinged pink.

Isak felt tears welling up. He took a careful step closer as if too fast a movement could scare Even away and Even mirrored him. And then it was just muscle memory, Isak couldn’t stay away if he tried. Even waited for him and then they were touching, forehead against forehead, nose against nose.

Isak’s breathing stuttered and his eyes fluttered closed for a moment and then he leaned yet closer to run his nose and lips against Even’s cheek, feeling him close in a way he hadn’t in too long. Smelling his familiar scent. Even leaned into the touch and it was everything Isak needed.

He kissed Even’s cheek for real, staying there and he heard Even exhale shakily as if he hadn’t breathed in a long time.

Breathing became suddenly much easier again with Even close.

Isak waited for Even, for a sign that this was okay.

It was okay.

Even nudged his nose against Isak’s cheek and it was all Isak needed to lift his hands and hold Even’s face in his hands, looking him in the eyes. “I’m here,” He promised. _Now and forever._

Isak held his breath but it wasn’t suffocating, it was in the way he couldn’t hold his breath underwater right before their first kiss.

But he didn’t need to breathe on his own because Even was right there with him. Their lips sealing together in a soft kiss, they were breathing together.

When they pulled apart, it was only so far that Isak could wrap his arms around Even in a tight hug, the force of it almost knocking them off their feet.

“Let’s go home,” Isak whispered after a long time, not quite letting go of Even just yet. He wouldn’t let him go ever again.

Even’s voice was cracking when he replied hoarsely, “What about the concert?”

“I don’t care about that,” Isak said, he just wanted Even to be safe and comfortable and he had wanted to leave anyway.

“But your parents?” Even asked, pulling away slightly to look at Isak curiously.

Isak fidgeted. “I don’t know, I can just text them that something came up.”

“Isak,” With how little Even had used his voice recently, Isak’s name off his lips sounded rougher than usual but in the very best way, “Let’s see the concert together? I know it’s important to you or you wouldn’t have asked me to come.”

They had talked about this weeks ago and yet somehow, after everything, Even had still come here today. “But I meant when you’re feeling—“

“I’m feeling okay right now,” Even interrupted him gently but resolutely.

When Isak properly looked at him he saw the exhaustion in his eyes and he knew Even would rather be anywhere but here but he decided to trust him. “Okay,” Isak breathed. He grabbed Even’s hand and linked their fingers together, lifting them to his lips to press a kiss to Even’s knuckles.

As they walked toward the entrance of the church, Even asked, “Is this okay for you? We don’t have to hold hands if you’re uncomfortable…”

Isak thought about that for a second but then realised he didn’t care. He had been away from Even for so long, he wanted him as close as possible, no matter who saw. “Do you know Kingsman? I’m Harry Hart in that church, not giving a fuck.” He realised a moment too late that maybe he shouldn’t talk about a movie where the mind was controlled by an outside force and made someone do things he didn’t want to do. Or was that allowed? Isak was out of his depth here.

Even’s thumb brushed against Isak’s skin and he huffed a small laugh. “You’ve seen the rest of that, yeah? He gets shot in the end,” Even reminded him.

“That’s right up your alley then, isn’t it? ‘The lead must die, otherwise it’s not an epic love story,’” Isak teased.

Even shook his head, his brow furrowed. “The thought of you dying— I don’t like this,” There was a waver in his voice and when Isak looked up at him with wide eyes, there were tears shining in Even’s eyes, “I think I’m over tragic love stories.”

“I’m here,” Isak assured him, squeezing his hand, “Right here. Not going anywhere. Do you still want to go in?”

They stood by the door now and this time, Even couldn’t mask his exhaustion at all. His shoulders were slumped when he replied, “Yeah.”

Isak was ready to just ditch and take Even home but Even was already pulling the door open, not giving Isak much of a chance.

They walked down the aisle to where Isak had spotted his parents. His stomach was in knots and he was glad that Even was there to hold his hand through it.

“Hi,” Isak said quietly when they had approached his parents. The first thing he noticed was how the last time they had seen each other, he hadn’t been taller than his mother. He went in to hug her and it felt incredibly nice to do that again. He hugged his father as well, one-armed, because he refused to let go of Even’s hand and then he pulled Even more into his side. He cleared his throat, “Uh, mamma? Pappa? This is Even, my uh… boyfriend.” He shot Even a look to make sure this was okay because they hadn’t really talked about this and if it wasn’t for the squeeze Even gave his hand, Isak would have thought his full focus was on Isak’s parents.

“Nice to meet you,” Even said with a smile on his face and only to Isak it was clear that it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Isak could feel his father’s questioning gaze on him, wondering why Even was here after all now but Isak was too tired to react to it.

Even and Isak’s parents shook hands and then they took their seats. Isak and Even huddled together to give each other comfort.

The concert started soon after and quickly after it did, Even rested his head on Isak’s shoulder. Isak turned toward him to press a kiss against his forehead, and closed his eyes.

The singer was amazing. His voice was clear with something vulnerable in it and yet strong. He had the kind of emotion in his voice that made Isak want to cry again even though he had Even pressed into his side again.

_Folk, fall nu neder, och hälsa glatt din frihet._

Isak shivered, moved by the song, and it made him realise that Even was shivering as well. Outright trembling really. “Hey babe, are you okay?” Isak whispered, trying to get a look at Even. Everything hurt when he found Even silently crying, trying to suppress sobs. Immediately, Isak shifted them around so he could properly wrap his arms around Even, pressing Even’s face into his chest.

Despite Isak feeling helpless, Even seemed to actually calm down a little after a while and Isak kept uselessly whispering, “I’m here, I’m here, you’re okay.” By now, the music and their surroundings was completely blended out for Isak, his whole focus on Even. “Do you want to go home?” He suggested, not caring that there was still at least an hour of the concert left.

The next song started playing before Even answered, meekly as if he was scared to ask in the first place, “Can we?”

Isak cupped Even’s face in his hands, looking him in the eyes so Even could see that there was absolutely no doubt. “Of course,” He smiled a little, “Let’s go home.” Gently, Isak brushed the tears from Even’s cheeks and then his lips against Even’s briefly.

His hands dropped back to hold Even’s hands while he turned to his mother next to him, realising both his parents were already gaping at him, wondrously. “Mamma,” Isak whispered, “I’m sorry but we have to leave. We’re not feeling very well.”

Her face fell and Isak felt bad about it but also, Even was still trembling. Isak thought that maybe now that he had seen her again, it would be easier to visit her another time. He kissed her on the cheek.

Isak and Even ducked out of the pews and Isak held on tightly to Even’s hand as they walked back down the aisle, a whole church with their eyes on them if they weren’t distracted by the beautiful concert.

But all that mattered was Even.

Isak led Even to the nearest tram stop and as they waited there, he put his arms back around Even. “I’m here,” He promised, kissing Even’s cheeks and nudging their noses together.

Even looked sad and exhausted, much smaller than he actually was. “I’m sorry.”

Isak’s heart ached, seeing his boy like this. “You didn’t ruin anything, babe,” Isak whispered, reading Even’s thoughts from his wide-open eyes. His fingers were cold but Even didn’t seem to mind when Isak brushed his thumbs against Even’s cheeks and he leaned into the touch. “Your place?” He asked after a moment.

Even shook his head jerkily and pressed his forehead against Isak’s. “I’m sick of that place,” He croaked.

“Mine, then,” Isak whispered with a small smile, brushing his lips against Even’s.

 

When they finally arrived at the kollektiv, Even could barely hold himself upright, the exhaustion clearly clawing at his brain. Isak gently steered him to his room, peeling his coat, beanie and jeans off of him.

“You don’t…” Even tried to say but his brain barely let him form any coherent thoughts.

Isak smiled, because that was easier than allowing the pricking of his eyes to get worse. “I don’t mind,” He assured quietly, finding a pair of sweatpants that he dressed Even in. He made sure Even was safely tugged into bed, the duvet up to his chin and the good blue pillow fluffed up under his head. Then he got out of his own clothes so he was left in a t-shirt and his boxer shorts before he went around the bed to kiss Even on the forehead. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Even barely nodded.

As soon as Isak had left the room, Isak was clutching at his chest, above his heart, and curling in on himself a little. The air left his lungs in a sharp rush and a single tear slid down his cheek. 

He remembered this. Remembered how it had been just like this when his mother had felt bad, except that Isak had been several years younger, trying to put on a brave face. That had been before his mother got _really_ bad so that it got outright scary to be near her.

Isak had been alone back then. Now he had a support system behind him.

He wiped the back of his hand across his face and stumbled into the kitchen where he found Linn making tea. “Hi,” He whispered, and even in his own ears he sounded pathetic.

“I didn’t think you’d be back so soon… are you okay?” She asked in her soft voice that did wonders to Isak’s racing heart, Isak had never quite realised that before.

“No,” He blurted, then shook his head, “Yes. I— I don’t know? Even’s here…”

Linn’s brow was furrowed. “Is _he_ okay? Don’t you want him here?”

“I do! I want him here,” Isak replied and there was no doubt in his voice if a hint of desperation, “He’s just not doing so well and I don’t know what to do.”

Linn approached him, a timid expression on her face when she took his hands in hers. Her fingers were always cold. It was a nice feelings. “Breathe,” She whispered, cheeks tinted pink, “It’s ridiculous, right? We shouldn’t have to be reminded of breathing but… breathe, Isak. That’s what you can do.”

Some tears fell from Isak’s eyes but he didn’t have the strength to be fully crying anymore. They stood and breathed.

“Okay?” Linn murmured after a couple minutes.

Isak nodded jerkily, still strangely focused on the steady rise and fall of his chest.

“Okay,” A smile flickered across her features and she squeezed Isak’s hands before letting go of them. She turned around to the counter, grabbing two extra cups from the cupboard. “Camomile tea usually helps me calm down. I’ll make some for you and Even as well.” The electric kettle clicked in that moment and she poured water into the three waiting cups. Linn took one of the cups and brushed past Isak, “I’ll be in my room, sleeping.” The _tell me if you need anything_ went unsaid but clear and Isak felt a rush of fondness toward her.

Isak took the steaming cups back to his bedroom, gingerly putting them on the bedside table. Even was asleep. Isak crawled under the duvet, making sure Even was still warm enough and he leaned against the wall, staring blindly ahead. He drank some of the tea and after putting the half-empty cup on the bedside table, lay down, careful not to jostle Even too much. He tugged the duvet around him so he and Even made a twin burrito, tightly wrapped, maybe a little too warm for Isak’s liking but it was comforting in a way. His chest was to Even’s back and he wrapped his arm around his middle, pulling him as close as possible. 

With his face hidden against Even’s neck, Isak breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was so hard to write... like, the O Helga Natt scene can't be topped, right? But I wanted to do something that kinda had the same feeling but was different anyway so this is what happened. I hope I didn't completely butcher this.
> 
> Leave me a comment and kudos to let me know what you thought <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter right here is actually the one I started this whole fic for :D like I said before, I got the idea after watching Love, Simon and well... read it and you'll know what I'm talking about

**Mandag 10:36**

**12.12.16**

Things were going okay.

Isak had realised sometime around Saturday that the most he could do for Even was to be there, show him that he wasn’t alone and while Isak still felt bouts of helplessness, he was doing okay with that.

Even was sleeping a lot, only ever eating a little bit of what Isak made him. But it was something.

When Sunday had come around, Isak had started to panic. He was getting dangerously close to the ten percent and he couldn’t fuck it up even though going to school instead of being by Even’s side seemed like the worst thing to do.

But once again, his flatmates turned out to be absolute angels and they figured out how one of them would be always there in case Even needed someone. It didn’t make it any easier to leave Even in the mornings but Isak was learning to deal with it. And anyway, with how dedicated Eskild was, he was probably more fit to be there for Even than Isak was.

He just got off the phone with Eskild, who gave him an update, when he was cornered by Vilde about a Christmas party for kosegruppa on Friday.

Isak was taking Sonja’s advice of taking it one day at a time very seriously, so right now, he didn’t really think as far ahead as Friday but he felt kinda bad for totally having forgotten about kosegruppa in the whirlwind of everything so he gladly offered the kollektiv as the party location. Also, Vilde would probably have had his head if he didn’t.

She chirped her goodbye and promises of sending him the details about the party and Isak chuckled, rolling his eyes a little fondly when he closed his locker.

The laughter died in his throat though when he spotted Emma across the hallway.

_It’s 2016, Isak. Get yourself out of the closet._ Except she had done it for him.

“Hey!” Before he even realised it, Isak had approached her. 

His mouth was already working when he himself still tried to figure out what exactly to say to her. “I led you on, I get it, that was a really shitty thing to do. I’m really sorry about that and how much of an asshole I’ve been to you. That Even and I ditched you and Sonja on Halloween was fucked up. I am _sorry_ , Emma. But _none_ of that, nothing _ever_ , gave you the fucking right to out me to the whole school.” 

Isak hated how his voice was quivering and he took a deep breath before he continued, “That was mine, and you took it from me. I get it, it’s 2016, _time to get out of the fucking closet._ But there’s something you don’t know. That you _can’t_ know because you’ve never been in this position. It’s fucking hard! It’s not fun, it isn’t easy. I’ve been struggling for so long with who I am, thinking me being gay meant there was nothing else about me that mattered. _That’s Isak, he’s gay, who cares what else he is or likes or whatever._ I was so scared and you… you didn’t think twice before telling all your friends about that part of me because _gay people are fun,_ right?”

“It’s awesome,” He spat out sarcastically, “I now have girls I’ve never talked to approach me and want to be friends because _a gay best friend! Yes, give me that._ And every step I take, someone turns to their friends to talk about how gay I am. Fuck, Emma. All of that probably would have happened without you outing me but— _you outed me,_ Emma. All I wanted, was to come out on my own terms. But you decided for me when I was ready to come out. And that is absolutely not fucking okay.”

“Isak…” Emma whispered, tears glistening in her eyes.

_Fuck_. Fuck this, Isak didn’t want to hear it. Couldn’t hear this right now. He brushed past her down the hallway, his shoulder knocking into her. When he was around the corner, he punched the first locker in his reach.

The pain in his knuckles wasn’t strong enough to rip him out of his anger. He knocked his head against the locker, a string of curses leaving his lips.

Then another punch and yeah, he was starting to feel a little better. He hoped he hadn’t caused a scene, that was the last thing he needed. More people talking about him.

“Isakyaki, that’s my locker you’re vandalising there.”

Isak whipped around, coming face to face with a smirking Iben Sandberg. He hadn’t talked to her since he had told her about her boyfriend cheating on her with _his_ best friend. He never really gave her an apology either. “Hi, I— uh, I’m sorry,” He mumbled weakly.

She shrugged, stepping closer and gently nudging him to the side to get to her locker. “It’s chill, no damage done, yeah?” She put in her security code and the locker door swung open, “Are you okay?”

Isak was surprised to hear genuine concern in her voice. “Yeah, uh— I don’t know but…” He cleared his throat awkwardly, “About last year—“

“I never quite thanked you for that, did I? You made me see that Chris is an asshole… let’s not talk about all that mess that came with that,” She smiled a little self-deprecatingly.

“Oh,” Isak blurted, not having expected that.

Iben seemed sheepish when she admitted, “I heard some of what you said to that first year just now…”

“Oh.” It didn’t happen often that a girl made Isak tongue-tied.

“I’m glad you stood up for yourself. What she did was awful,” Iben said kindly. She grabbed her books and closed her locker. “Anyway, uh— you know Even, right? He hasn’t been in school for a while and I’m worried…”

Isak was strangely touched by the fact that she didn’t buy into the rumours and just assumed he and Even had a thing. “Yeah, he’s… getting better. Actually, are you sharing any classes with him?”

Iben raised her eyebrows, “Most of them actually. Why?”

Isak shrugged. “I thought maybe you could lend me your notes and let me know about the homework you get and everything so I could bring it to him? He might not be back before Christmas break so he could catch up then,” He mumbled, cheeks flaming.

“Oh, that’s a great idea! You’re a really good friend, I’m sure he appreciates that! I probably know people in the classes we don’t share so I could get them to give me their notes and get them to you?” Iben suggested kindly, thinking for a moment, “Can you get his schedule so I can be sure which other classes he’s in?”

“Boy…friend,” Isak found himself saying slowly, “We’re boyfriends.”

Iben smiled at him broadly. “You’re a really good boyfriend then,” She amended her previous statement.

Isak smiled back at her. “Thank you,” He muttered, not sure what exactly he was referring to — her readiness to help or that she wasn’t making a big deal out of him being gay. “And uh— I can do that. I’ll send it to you on Facebook?”

“Perfect! I’ll put everything together and get the stuff to you tomorrow? And then we can just figure out the rest,” Iben said. She hesitated a moment before she asked, “I could maybe even bring it over? To explain some of the things to him?”

Isak grimaced and replied apologetically, “I’m not sure he is up for visits but do you have his number? You could text him, he’d like that I think.”

“Okay, yeah. I’ll do that,” She put her hand on his arm, showing that she wasn’t bothered, “I’ll see you around, isakyaki.”

“Bye, Iben,” He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make my day <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter <3 Monday on a Monday :D
> 
> Dare I say we've got some communication going on in this one? Baby steps, but it's going in the right direction
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Mandag 20:39**

**12.12.16**

Isak honestly hadn’t expected Even to agree to his innocently asked question of, “Want to go get some kebabs?” But now Isak was throwing his black Rascals hoodie at Even, watching him as he put it on and then promptly darting forward to press a kiss to the tip of Even’s nose, making him smile.

“Are you sure?” Isak asked when they stood bundled up by the door.

Even’s voice was raspy when he nodded, “It’s just around the corner.” Shyly, he leaned in for a kiss.

Isak kissed him carefully, letting Even take the lead of how much he was willing to give, smiling when he kissed him a little longer than just this morning, his arms wrapping around Isak’s shoulders. When he broke the kiss, his arms slid around Isak fully, pulling him in for a hug. Isak embraced him just as fiercely, okay with standing there tangled around each other for a couple minutes.

They walked to the little kebab shop down the road in silence, their fingers linked.

The air inside was stuffed so as soon as they had their kebabs in hand, they wordlessly decided to eat them outside. There was a low wall that they could sit on side by side.

Isak slowly started eating but figured after a couple minutes of more silence that it got a little too stifling. Even if Even wouldn’t reply, Isak asked, “Do you like tomatoes?”

“Don’t you like yours?” Even whispered, brow furrowed as he looked at Isak.

Isak smirked. “I do. I want yours too,” He admitted, smiling even more broadly when the clouds on Even’s face lifted a little more.

“Okay,” Even nodded, holding his kebab out to Isak so he could pick the tomatoes off. After a moment, Even asked quietly, “What do I get in return? Your cheese?”

Isak gasped dramatically, “Not the best thing about this whole kebab!”

Even giggled and it was the very best sound Isak had ever heard. “A kiss then?” He suggested, the usual cheek in his voice almost audible.

Isak pretended to think about it before leaning in. “I can deal with that,” He concluded in a murmur before bringing their lips together in a chaste kiss.

They went back to eating and Isak could tell that it took all of Even’s strength to even have one bite. Without even thinking about it, Isak matched his pace to Even’s hoping he felt less pressured like that.

“How was your day?” Even whispered, while picking at his food.

Isak hooked his foot around Even’s ankle. “It was good,” He shrugged and started smiling when he got an idea, “But there’s this super cute third year that I couldn’t stare at during break today, which kinda sucked.”

“He’s probably not worth it anyway… you’re better off without him,” Even mused gloomily.

Isak grimaced and shook his head vehemently, dispelling all self-deprecation, “He’s definitely worth it. I think…” Isak gnawed on his bottom lip, feeling a rush of butterflies in his stomach, “I’m gonna ask him to be my boyfriend.”

Even remained quiet and Isak tagged on, “What do you think about that?”

Again, it seemed like Even wouldn’t answer but this time, Isak didn’t say anything, letting the awkwardness settle between them. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Even didn’t want him like Isak wanted him. Eventually, Even heaved a deep breath. “I think that it would be really nice but you should consider all your options before that,” He concluded, staring down at his kebab.

Isak didn’t hesitate for one second when he said, “There are no other options—“

“You’re smart, and hot, and funny. There _are_ other options, Isak,” Even interrupted him, his hands were shaking.

Isak turned to Even, lifting his free hand to Even’s chin to make him look at Isak. “There are _no_ other options for me, Even,” Isak whispered fervently, “I only want you. Do you— do you want me?”

Tears rolled down Even’s cheeks when he nodded jerkily. “I do,” He croaked, “So much.”

“Okay, good,” Isak sighed, a soft smile appearing on his lips. He kissed the tears on Even’s face away, tasting salt on his lips. “Because I’ve introduced you to my parents as my boyfriend so that could have gotten awkward. And I— I told someone in school today about us. Someone who’s not my friend, and I know there’s that rumour of us having a thing going around but it… it felt really nice to tell her? I don’t know, it’s probably stupid—“

“It’s not stupid,” Even cut him off, leaning his forehead against Isak’s, “I’m really proud of you.”

“Yeah?” Isak gnawed on his lip, unsure.

Even nodded, pecking Isak’s lips. “And I don’t know why you’d want to be with me, _but_ ,” He said before Isak could protest, “I’m really happy that you’re my boyfriend.”

“Me too,” Isak smiled, “You make me really happy, Even.”

“Do you think your parents liked me?” Even asked meekly a moment later.

Isak hadn’t really talked to them since Friday but there had been a short exchange of messages where both his parents had inquired if Even was feeling better. So that was what Isak told Even. “They were worried about you so I think they did like you.”

Even tensed and Isak was only confused about that for a second before Even whispered, “So they know too? About me being bipolar?” 

Isak’s eyes widened and he quickly assured, “No, nonono. I wouldn’t tell them about that! That’s yours to tell. I said you had a stomach bug but were too stubborn to stay in bed and that’s why we had to leave early.”

Even immediately relaxed. “I am pretty stubborn, huh?” He mumbled with a hint of a smile.

“Very,” Isak agreed, pecking his cheek. “And very cute.”

Even rested his head against Isak’s shoulder, intertwining their hands that weren’t holding the kebabs — by now, they both had kind of given up on them to be honest. “I never want you to be sad,” Even mumbled and it sounded as if he was saying it more to himself than to Isak.

The thing was that Isak would be sad plenty of times, sometimes it would be Even’s fault, and sometimes it would be about things that neither of them had control over but Even made it possible for Isak to really enjoy and cherish the happy moments. And he hoped Even felt the same way. “I’m not sad right now. Let’s focus on that? Let’s not worry about all those other times, just live minute by minute.”

“Isak?”

Isak lifted their linked fingers to his lips and pressed a kiss to Even’s knuckles. He hummed in acknowledgement.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about… about Sonja and the relationship we had?” Even murmured quietly, “And I realised how awful I was to her. Like— she’s been there from the beginning, you know? For my diagnosis and before and after that and— at times, I felt so sorry for myself that I guess I didn’t quite see other people’s problems? I— in my head, it was like this: I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and that was the worst thing that could have happened to anyone. So, if someone felt bad— if Sonja felt bad, I overlooked it because _I_ am depressed, I am bipolar, what does one bad day matter for her? It’s nothing compared to what I’m suffering. And I feel awful about that because it took me so long to realise that.”

There was a heavy weight lodged in Isak’s stomach. He remembered the talk he had had with Sonja and how she hadn’t taken enough care of herself and he hadn’t admitted it until now but Isak was scared of the same thing happening to him. Because it had happened before with his mother and how he had tried to take care of her when he was too young to really know how to handle it. And how he had ended up blackout drunk in some bar where god knows what could have happened if Eskild hadn’t found him. “You’re not awful,” Isak whispered but he didn’t know what else to say. The weight in his stomach spread to his chest, making it feel too tight. Minute by minute, he reminded himself, minute by minute minute by minute minute by minute minute by minute.

“I am, though,” Even said and it was with a finality that Isak didn’t know how to counter. “But,” Even sighed, squeezing Isak’s hand, “What I’m trying to say is, I can’t let that happen to us. Okay? Isak, you gotta promise me that you will look after yourself before you look after me. I know you talked to Sonja and I’m sure she told you something like that because that’s the kind of person she is. Just… talk to me if you’re not feeling well? Call me out on my bullshit? And if you can’t talk to me… talk to Jonas or Magnus or Eskild or even Sonja? I can’t bear the thought of losing you because of something like that.”

“Okay,” Isak croaked, “I promise. Can you promise me something too?” Isak looked at Even, waiting for him to nod. “I will want to take care of you and be there for you when you’re not doing okay, because that’s who _I_ am and I’m gonna try my best to not be overbearing but if I do end up being controlling without realising it, you have to tell me. I meant what I said after we got back together, only you can feel what you feel, and I’ll try to remember that but if I somehow forget, please remind me of it. We have to communicate, Even, because there’s already been too many misunderstandings and they break me apart. You can trust me like I trust you, okay?” He took a deep shuddering breath.

“I promise,” Even whispered and kissed Isak softly.

The silence that fell over them afterwards was a lot lighter than before and with smiles on their faces, they ate.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii I almost forgot about posting this whoops but anyway, enjoy this last chapter and... merry Christmas??? lmao <3

**Fredag 20:50**

**16.12.16**

Even didn’t magically feel better after that one time they went out for kebabs. In fact, he was feeling worse again on Tuesday. When Isak had gotten back from school, he had wanted to curl around Even for comfort but Even had made a sound that had clearly said that he didn’t want that so instead, Isak had asked if he could stay in the room and when Even hadn’t made another sound, Isak had sat down on the floor with his back against the mattress and a heavy heart.

Wednesday had been a little better again with Even out of bed and smiling, playing FIFA with Linn but when Isak had asked if he wanted to come to the Christmas party, he had seemed hesitant.

The party was in full swing when Even walked into the kitchen where Isak was chatting with the boys. Isak immediately noticed how Even had stolen a shirt from him, a light blue one that made his eyes sparkle. The grey hoodie on top seemed to be Isak’s as well and it warmed Isak’s heart that apparently, wearing his clothes was a comfort thing for Even.

“Halla,” Isak smiled at him, wanting to pull him close immediately but he wasn’t sure how the boys would react. 

“Halla,” Even smiled back at him until Magnus exclaimed, “Even!” and wrapped his arms around him. Luckily, the impact of the hug made Even naturally end up in the space next to Isak so Isak could stealthily link their fingers while Even gave Magnus advice on how to get Vilde.

When Magnus decided that it was time to “take desperate to a new level,” Mahdi and Jonas immediately followed after, leaving Even and Isak alone, both of them leaning in for a smiley kiss at the same time.

“You’re here,” Isak mumbled, gently brushing his fingers through Even’s hair, not caring about possibly fucking it up.

“I’m here,” Even said, pulling Isak close again to press a kiss to his temple.

Isak closed his eyes for a second, just revelling in the feeling. “So you know all about taking desperate to a new level, huh?” He teased.

Even shrugged. “Have you seen me with you?”

Isak laughed, nodding thoughtfully, “Oh yeah, the paper towel dispenser. _What was that?_ ”

Even joined in on the laughter. “I don’t know! I seriously don’t know. I think I panicked. You were so cute and _you_ and ugh.”

“If it’s any consolation,” Isak pecked Even’s lips, “You shook my world to the core from the moment I first saw you.” Isak felt a little proud of himself for being able to admit that so easily. He had come so far in just two short months and a big part of that was thanks to Even.

Their little moment was interrupted by Sana walking into the kitchen, a broad smile on her lips. “Halla,” She greeted them.

“Sana!” Isak exclaimed, shooting a smile of his own at her. “You know Even, right?”

Even and Sana exchanged a long look that Isak didn’t quite understand and he made a mental note to ask Even about it later.

There was a bit of banter about Isak’s biology skills — which were top notch, thank you very much — before Sana said, “I actually got you a Christmas present!” And she held out a small pouch toward him.

Isak didn’t immediately grab it. “For me?” His eyes widened and he remembered the wrapped present in his own room. “Give me a second, I have something for you as well!”

“You do?” She called after him when Isak already hurried to his room.

He returned and held out the rectangular package to her, blushing. Sana took it with a surprised smile, giving her gift to him but Isak didn’t open it just yet. He burrowed into Even’s side and watched Sana open hers first.

Her expression was awed when she took in the leather-bound book, her fingers trailing over the gold lettering on the front.

Isak nervously babbled, “It’s a planner so you can write down when you want to take over the world and remember it or for when you want to play Narcos again,” At that, Sana grinned, “Or, uh, you know, when you want to study together…”

“Aren’t you more likely to forget our study dates? Maybe you should have kept it for yourself,” Sana teased but when she met his eyes, she looked genuinely happy. “Thank you, Isak, it’s really sweet!” Her fingers trailed over the inscription again, her lips forming around the Arabic words.

المشي مع صديق في الظلام أفضل من المشي وحيداً في الضوء.

Tears were shining in her eyes when she whispered again, “Thank you.”

Isak went for a hug, his own voice sounding a little strangled when he murmured in her ear, “Thank _you._ ”

When they pulled apart, Sana lifted her hand to her face as if to wipe the tears that hadn’t yet fallen away but thought better of it in the last moment. “Open mine.”

Isak nodded, taking a deep shaky breath. He was chuckling when he held a small pouch of weed in his hand. “The ten percent!” He exclaimed, “It wasn’t useful to you after all?”

“It was useful to me now, wasn’t it?” She challenged, raising her eyebrows.

Isak grinned, “Fair enough.” He felt a little lighter now after the heavy moment before.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Sana said before leaving them alone again.

Even pulled Isak in close as soon as she was gone, translating quietly, “‘ _Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.’_ You’re a bit of a sap, huh?”

It punched a laugh right out of Isak, exactly what he needed right now and he had a feeling Even had known that. “Yeah, uh, it’s an Arabic proverb? I’m— Sana’s— she’s _good_ , you know?” He wasn’t making much sense but somehow, looking at Even, there was a mutual understanding between them.

They stayed in their safe bubble in the kitchen for a little longer before joining the party again. Even was immediately whisked away by Eskild and Isak spotted Eva at a table. “Hey, can I sit here?”

“Oh, hey! Yes, of course!” Eva smiled at him. It had been too long since they had last talked and Isak was aware it was his fault because they had been such good friends before.

Isak apologised to her for fucking up what Jonas and Eva had had because if the last week had taught him anything, it was that he needed his friends in his life and Eva was one of the best he ever had. It was such a relief when Eva, in turn, told him that she’d been over it for a while and suggested that they should hang out more often again.

And when she asked about Even, Isak’s gaze immediately darted over to him where he helped Eskild hanging a mistletoe in the doorway. Their eyes met and Isak lost his train of thought for a moment.

“I think your boyfriend wants to kiss you under the mistletoe,” Eva grinned, nudging him in the side.

Isak blushed but he realised he wanted that too. It didn’t matter who was here, they were all friends, some of them even family, and he now knew they would never judge him. Isak looked between Even and Eva unsure.

Eva laughed, “Go! I’ll be fine here with my angel.”

So Isak stood up and while Even was still leaning against the wall, Isak walked right under the mistletoe, joining Eskild there and kissing him on the cheek, his flatmate cheering enthusiastically at that and darting off. Isak remained in his spot, looking at Even.

Even’s eyes flickered over the people in the room with them and back to Isak. He didn’t quite seem to know what to do.

“Don’t make me look like an idiot, Even,” Isak scolded, holding out his hands toward Even.

Even relaxed and laughed, joining Isak under the mistletoe. “Hi,” He whispered.

“Halla,” Isak replied, linking their fingers properly.

And then they were kissing and the party around them melted away.

After kissing for a while, they parted again and when Isak looked around the room, no one was looking back. Even and Isak were just another couple kissing under the mistletoe, nothing to gawk over.

“What time is it?” Even mumbled, sounding a little breathless.

Isak smiled, rolling his eyes fondly, knowing what Even was trying to do. When he pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the time, though, he froze. It seemed impossible. “21:21.”

“Seriously?” Even grinned.

“Yeah.”

Even chuckled. “Wanna get out of here?”

Isak rolled his eyes again. His boyfriend was ridiculous. “Where are we going?”

“Anywhere.”

 

Just like on Halloween, they took a bike with Isak sitting on the back but this time, Isak wasn’t afraid to wrap his arms tightly around Even. 

Even took them to a neighbourhood that was more familiar to Isak now than it had been back then and he exclaimed, laughing, “I’m not gonna jump in a pool with you that belongs to someone else in the middle of December!”

“Aw, why not?” Even pouted.

Isak giggled. “You had your Romeo + Juliet kiss already… no more of that!”

“Okay, okay. I was just kidding anyway,” Even laughed and Isak couldn’t get over the sound of that. It made his insides light up with happiness.

_Anywhere_ turned out to be Nissen in the end. Isak was confused but let Even grab his hand and lead him to the bench they had sat on when they had first talked.

“What are we doing here, Even?” Isak wondered, climbing the bench to sit on the backrest next to Even.

Even smiled, taking his time to answer. “You know,” He eventually murmured, “I was so nervous when we first sat here. It felt kind of like a sign. I was so glad when you were the one to initiate a conversation… well, until _Emma_ interrupted us.” He spat her name out with distaste and Isak remembered that he hadn’t told Even about him blowing up on Emma at the beginning of the week.

“A sign?” Isak asked curiously.

Even nodded. “Remember how I said that I noticed you on the first day of school? I was sitting right here actually. And you were walking about there,” He pointed to a spot ahead of them, “With your friends. I was kind of in my own head but then you were laughing and my head immediately whipped up to find out where that beautiful sound was coming from. Your laugh was the first thing about you that I fell in love with.”

Isak’s breathing hitched. How strange a thought that the first thing Isak had noticed about Even was his laugh as well. It was almost poetic. “You know that day in the cafeteria when I first noticed you? I was looking at you because of your laugh… and I almost died when you looked back at me,” Isak admitted quietly. He swallowed thickly and then, even quieter, whispered, “Falling for you was the easiest thing.” Everything else might have been complicated, but looking back at everything, Isak knew that what he had felt in that very first second of spotting Even for the first time had only gotten more intense with each passing minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! And come yell to me about how much you miss our babies over on tumblr @julian-dahl if you like <3

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make me smile <3 Let me know what you thought! You can also talk to me on tumblr @julian-dahl


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